March 20, 2013
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Cranky, Cranky, Cranky I am majorly cranky.
It might not be a good idea for me to post.
First there was Compassion. I have sponsored two children for some time, with the kids, to show how we try to help others. But to be honest, I’ve had a problem since coming out of christianity with giving money to teaching kids wrong doctrines. I thought about pulling my sponsorship and giving to TorahClass.org, instead, but… you hate to yank the sponsorship from a child, right? So I’ve let it sit, figuring the Lord would tell me when the time was right to do something different. Well, a week ago, I got a letter from one of my children. In it, she says that she’s being taught good things at her ROMAN CATHOLIC church. I. Was. Livid. It’s a hard enough thing for me to give money to christians – at least they have a semi-Biblical outlook, but the RCC? That pushes me WAY too far. And what IS that, anyhow??? She’s in a tiny village in Indonesia. You can’t tell me that they have TWO missions in the same tiny village – one Catholic and one evangelical. No. The whole thing felt (and smelled) wrong.
So I wrote and said I was discontinuing my sponsorship, and shame on them for partnering with the Catholic church… and yesterday they called me. They said that they can’t say what church the child is going to, but they wouldn’t teach Catholic principles. So basically the children are going to Catholic church, and use the evangelical idiots for meds, food, and money? That’s NOT what I signed up for… I was hoping at least SOME Truth was getting to the children. I was really upset. The woman says that religion shouldn’t be the deciding factor, but isn’t that the WHOLE POINT, with Compassion? Getting the Word to the children, while providing services, too? I… can’t think like that. And that’s not even addressing the glossy magazines my sponsorship $$ put out, in the name of Jee-zus. I… got pushed too far. That was the Lord redirecting my funds to the Truth. I’m officially going to sponsor TorahClass, instead, as my ‘offering’.
Next, I got an invitation to my ex-theatre group’s annual meeting. Ha! Hahahahaha… I. Don’t. THINK. So!!! Have you seen the board, lately? Including the witch that’s on medication for her behavioral issues and cancelled rehearsals 45 minutes before they started (I had an hour drive) and then yelled at me, humiliated me, and threw me out of the cast for showing up like a responsible adult? Screw them! Like I even wanted to HEAR from them? And that wench is on the board!! ((That explains why my letter about the situation went unanswered, though, doesn’t it? Unprofessional, and shame on the president.)) At this point, I’m praying they go bankrupt and fold. I… have a lot of anger, there, still, apparently. And having that on the heels of Compassion probably didn’t help my mood, any.
Then my mom called (read: had Pop call, because she doesn’t like doing it herself). She wanted to know if we want to do Pesach with them. My short answer? No. The woman doesn’t even keep the regular Sabbaths, and I’m supposed to want to have our feast with them? Um, NO. Feasts are special. Sacred, more holy than even a Shabbat. And my brother isn’t even Messianic (he’s still chrischun), and… that bothers me, having Pesach with people who aren’t even on-board, or do it half-assedly out of obligation. But I don’t want to hurt my family… so I said that we’re having OUR feast as family (without them) *ON* Pesach, but if she wants to have a celebration on another day, we would come (to make her happy). Which probably didn’t make her happy, but… it’s always a fiasco when we include them. They don’t know what’s going on (even after YEARS of this), they confuse everything, and I don’t like the discordance of the special event when it’s a mixed family thing. And it’s MY life, my obedience, too, hello! So THAT phone call went over like a lead balloon, too, and now I’m the uncooperative, pain-in-the-p’toot person, yet AGAIN. It sucks to be me.
Just… GOOD GRIEF.
And, yes, why yes, I’m a tad bit cranky.I was supposed to call the tree choppers, but after all that, I called Brian and asked HIM to do it. They showed up this morning and I got to show them around – it’s going to be $300 to take the rest of that tree down – the one that fell in the goat barn? But the March winds are upon us, and we’re worried about the rest of the ((((rotten))))) tree falling on the house or something. So… unless we want to dismantle critter corner to try to do it ourselves (and the only way we can drop it might result in taking out our neighbor’s pine barrier, and I don’t want that to happen, either)… it looks like the tree choppers will be here, tomorrow. In Critter Corner. I… also have issues with this. I don’t like people here, scoping things out. I like our privacy. It’s just more to add to my crankies. And that’s $300 I hate to see go to a dude in Carhartt’s with a chainsaw… that’s a LOT of money. But what can you do?
Oh, and I forgot about the e-mail. A few years ago I went to an geneology site, just out of curiosity, to see if there was anything about my family on there… and there was a woman in CA who was looking for members of the GR branch of the family, so she could get some updated information. I left a reply with my (now old) e-mail… but never heard back. Well, a few days ago I went to that old e-mail addy, to see if there was anything there, and I got a reply from a family member (something like five times removed)… he saw my reply and addy and thought he’d ask about our branch of the family. ((I’m the Jerold branch, he’s the Claude branch.)) So I went to write him back and… y’know, I don’t know ANYTHING about the family, anymore. They’re all turning inward, not keeping connected the way they used to. Heck, I found out my cousin’s kid got married a few weeks ago by lurking around on-line, for pity’s sake! How sad is that shit? It just… is depressing.
And I got out the geneology book that I have, and it’s ALL pencilled over, because it’s 20 years old and a LOT has happened since then, and so I set about adding a few pages… but I don’t have any dates, and can’t ask anyone (except my mother, who doesn’t keep track because she simply doesn’t care)… I don’t know. It’s just really upsetting, because… I vowed that family would MEAN something to me and my kids. It didn’t to my mom or my siblings, and so I wasn’t raised that way (being hundreds or thousands of miles away, in the Air Force)… and no matter how hard I try, I have to forage for anything, anymore. Is it worth it? Maybe my mom had it right – it’s just stupid, anyhow. But I don’t feel that way in my heart, and it hurts that we’re so… disconnected, anymore. How discouraging.
Yeah. SO. There you have it.
I think I need to go have some cocoa, r’something…
Comments (8)
:hugs: I woke up with a sore throat, so I can sympathize with the cranky-es.
I don’t give to chrischun charities anymore. Right now, it goes to a Jewish girls’ home in Israel – I hadn’t thought about TorahClass, I need to add them,
Can’t help with the tree…but I’m headed to the PO in a bit.
Oh, and Ethan has either chicken pox or a rash, but I can’t tell which. It’s hard to tell… but it’s 26 days after exposure, so I don’t think it’s pox. So the question is, what IS it?
I was feeling that way about an aunt who shut us out of her life in the months after my mother died (I was 22yo then). I have friended my cousin on fb and peek at my aunt’s page. She looks soooo like my mother now & my grandmother. I remember all the fun she could be and all the drama, false memories and other crud that comes with her…but she’s family… My sister said (from her boyfriend) that Aunt (or anything else) is just a title and nothing more. A person has to earn or want a relationship for there to be ties & sometimes the having the “title” around is not worth the pain. Love & family is a two way street – sometimes a very under construction, very rough, very needing rules/direction but still a street. She’s right but it’s still there. I too have trouble letting go.
I also noticed that sometimes a family can just get “too far away”, not through distance but through members. It’s a lot of work to truly stay connected and involved in the everyday details of a lot of lives. I think once you get past cousins, niece or nephew…when you get to their kids it’s hard. That’s what family reunions are for to kind of keep tabs but not really. It was easier when letters were sent every few months because you had to choose and pick what info was really worth writing down and people could edit their life to what was important or cute enough to share. It was easier when people had only one car and no credit cards because one could not afford to just go visit. I mean a trip to the city an hour away was a once or twice a year event & now my Brian drives that every single day! Twice if we want to do something after work & he needs to clean up first. If you didn’t expect them to come no one got feelings hurt, not one felt bad for not inviting or being invited you just did what you were able. Add in the “event” factor that every single special has become, from birthday parties to weddings no one can have just cake, ice cream and a good visit but must have more! and more! and more! No more cake and punch weddings or heaven forbid (whisper) potluck…no it must be more! more! more! Which means that people must be cut from the list & cut from life too. THEN if the “compensation” (gift) for being invited is not enough…then (cue music) hurt feelings, drama, and all the crap. Pretty soon it’s just select family & friends because they care (gave good gifts). What is sad is that, usually, that person/family did or do not even realize how much they let down the ties of family. Those ties that bind & gag (Erma Bombeck).
However, you can still instill in your kids the idea that family is important. Your mother & all are extremely hair pulling but they are there. With them you teach your kids about limits, about “we don’t do that kind of thing” (insert Southern drawl cause that phrase means so much more than those words), and how to handle awkward situations. Teach from the beginning that we are a large family and we do not worry about “events”, cards or presents that time together is what matters. And Anna you are going to have to teach them that you do NOT expect their future mates to live up to your homemade cards & such – that’s your thing and they will have their own and it’s fine. There’s a reason my in-law kids love coming here & that reason alone is in the top 5. It’s hard to feel competent around those with a passion + perfection tendencies. (I am bouncing around like Donkey in Shrek “choose me!” right now.)
What else? You might have to host a reunion, at the park every few years with “let’s let our kids get to know their family” general warm fuzzies. Do it for the oldest family member alive (guilt works wonders) and then get to know the young generation. Skip those that have kicked you down and instead go for the youngers – they might be more willing esp. if it’s just all casual & low key/money. I’m seeing burn out on “events” and a relaxing just hanging out is sometimes welcome.
About that Aunt…her kids are quite the trip. My girl cousin was straight/gay/bi depending on the wind and shock value. She’s wiccan or pagan depending on the calendar holiday. Right now she’s engaged to a man & seems to be “settling down.” My boy cousin is another trip too – it seems he’s witch craft or satan depending on the post (I check but we are NOT friends) and how his sister is correcting him. They are majorly messed up – not religion choices either. I sometimes wonder if I had remained in her life (she kicked us out) if all that would be different & a twinge of guilt arrives. Though I really suspect that Aunt’s choice protected my kids in ways I will never know. SO what does this mean to you? Maybe those cut ties are also protecting your kids in ways you do not know. Maybe it really is for the best and all you can do is send the yearly xmess card and call it good.
As for those tree trimmers – you will be forgotten in a month. It’s baseball spring training, dancing with the stars, and car racing season. Call them the kids 4H projects or Lydia’s FFA project that take up a lot of time & money that you will be glad when they lose interest and they will forget even faster. Everyone has had the “kids projects for school” so they won’t think twice about it all.
Sorry for the blog but the family thing has been on my mind a lot lately. I have some who are going to be getting some visits and some who we “lost touch” with. Oh well. Life is too short to stress over those who have different life priorities. Perhaps they are good priorities but it’s ok if it isn’t me.
Oh and the fewer family who “know” you the fewer that will expect your help in bad times because “we are family”. Just get your mom to shut up.
I hear ya on the family thing. Finding out that relatives sometimes dear and sometimes not so much have died long ago and you weren’t told about it — but you found out because you’re poking into genealogy — isn’t too cool. Everything I’ve tediously researched, I’ve done with little or no info, and it’s taken years, but I’ve tracked most everything down. I once asked my Dad his grandma’s name. He said “I dunno.. we called her Mother P.” Well gee man, that’s like so helpful. I want my kids to know who they’ve come from, what they can be proud of, and not gloss over the things they shouldn’t be proud of. If you’re really interested in finding out anything, there are ways of finding out, even if you’ve got nothing but a name. But I know how you feel about researching that stuff.. We’ve always been set apart from the rest of our family. They wanted nothing to do with us, and we really wanted nothing to do with them. It’d be nice if we did get along, but that’s the way it is. For me the importance of ‘family’ is sort of.. well dead. Part of me wishes it wasn’t.. but it’s the truth. It’s a bit of a shock for me, to see how connected my guy’s family is with one another. Family is in and out of their house every single day just to say hello.
If the rash is still localized to the stomach and he’s not feeling crappy in any way, or itching or burning… well I’m stumped. Might be worth a doctor visit. But if it’s spreading, and has ‘gooby bumps’ and he’s miserable then it’s pox.
So far we’ve had bad experiences with sponsouring kids.. I’m not really sure the kind of ‘christianity’ World Vision preaches, but half the time we got notifications saying they’d pulled the girls out because the families didn’t want them to be educated or wanted them to remain Muslim. It’s a dilemma because you feel for the kids and want to help them, but you’re never truly sure if they’re being helped.
I ran into my great-aunt Mary’s husband at Goodwill, last summer, and he called her into the store (she was on the car taking a call, I think), and anyhow, she was SO HAPPY to see Lydia & I (although Aunt Mary’s kind of loopy, and is the type to kiss a stranger on both cheeks, just because they’re cute). She told me to let my mom know ‘the dinner’ was this coming Friday, and to come… and that we could come, too. But I had no clue what she was talking about. Apparently my Great grandpa (Jerold)’s kids get together for a dinner once every summer, but nobody outside of them is invited, so it’s not like a reunion, and I felt funny about crashing it, even with her welcome. So *something* is put together, just not known.
But I miss the old reunions. The second cousins used to put it together, and everyone just showed up with a dish to pass at the lake, and we all got to talk and catch up. Second cousins stopped doing it, so I haven’t seen some of the people in years and years. And I’m NOT the person to organize one: not considering how everyone thinks I’m a whack-o nut-job religious quack due to my blog. :shame: Ah, well…
Ah, family – was rushed earlier. We’re outcast, not only because we left churchianity, but because I chose to live in a rural area, and have :gasp: livestock! And I’m weird, too, because I weave, and knit, and – horrors! – SPIN my own yarn (’cause, you know, you CAN buy that at the store.). And now that I’ve pulled the kids our of public school…well, we only exist if I make the effort OR they need something that I have. Because family is supposed to take care of each other, right? :bangs head:
I sometimes wish there was more….family involvement, but :eh: it is what it is.
I’m certainly enjoying everything I’m learning at TorahClass! I wanted to ask you about a website I sort of stumbled upon, looking for something else. It’s called testeverything.net. I actually fell in love with the music on this video http://vimeo.com/37621332 and then went to the website which looks very interesting. I have not had a chance to spend much time there, but it appears to be a site encouraging people to test what they have always been taught. Just wondering if you had heard of it and if so, what’s your opinion.
Nope. Never heard of it. And… I think I might pass. But have fun with it – and maybe one of the gals in the comments here have heard of it?