January 30, 2013

• One Month after the SMS

  Okay, look… I realize that the SMS was over years ago.  In 2010, to be exact.  I know that I dragged it out because I could make stuff fit, because it was comfortable and gave me a sense of ‘direction’, if you will.  Knowing the way is always easier than not being able to see where you’re going.  And so I brought the SMS with me as far as I possibly could – to December of 2012.

  And I realize now that it was wrong.  I was applying something to our present place in history that didn’t belong here.  I half suspected it, for a long time, but you know me.  When in doubt, continue with what you had going.  Yes, well, it sounded good to me.  But now that it’s over… as in, I can’t even TRY to apply it, anymore, and honestly in my heart of hearts wouldn’t want to, because it’s a lie, and I want Truth.  Period.  While there was a chance it was one thing.  Now that there isn’t, that’s another.

  Last month I wrote a post called ‘The Split-Away Verse’.  Don’t bother going to look for it, I’ve taken it down for maintenance.  It’s not that the premise of the blog was flawed – it was a message that I got from the Lord.  But I should know better than to blog something that I haven’t been given the details of.  If I don’t understand it, myself, I have NO business giving it to others.  It’s my job, at that point, to wait on the Lord for illumination on the revelation, and I screwed it big.

  Which is why I believe I have been stuck in the metaphorical mud for the past month.  No, seriously – I have really been sinking spiritually over here.  And I believe it’s because I put the cart before the horse and fricked everything up.  I do that, I admit it – I get excited and geeked and all worked up and start jumping to all sorts of conclusions like the blonde housewifely person that I am.  It’s pathetic, in hindsight, and you’d think I would learn, but nooooo.

  Anyhow, I wanted to put this out here, for the record.  That I wrote something I shouldn’t have, jumped to conclusions I had no business jumping to, and ran with the mouth when I should’ve paused and reflected and waited on Him.  And also for the record, I wasn’t told to delete the ‘Split-Away’ post… just hold onto it until I’m told what I need to know.  And at the moment, it feels as though I am about to be given that information, so I’m going to hang tight and see what information turns up.

  I just had to explain.  Because I want to be as honest as I can here, and that includes admitting when I botch something.  So there it is.

  • 10:17 am
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